XXY Perspectives
This letter was originally posted on the XXYNetwork May 30, 1999.
"Ultra-Sounds" other possibilities and realities...
"...I ask that the letter not be taken out of context and that it may be copied and distributed anywhere but without remuneration but only in its entirety and acknowledged as Chris Somers xxy from "Down Under" in Western Australia. Quotations from it may be had freely but in context with permission of the author - that is myself and duly acknowledged. I hope that is reasonable. I certainly give you permission to put it on your site with the hopes that it will be of benefit to all inclusive of the medical profession and society generally..."
To you all with care I write this little letter entitled: "Ultra-Sounds" other possibilities and realities...
I would be interested to know whether any of you have ever thought of having an ultra-sound concerning your status as a "XXX, XXY, XXXY, XXXXY, XXYY, etc" person, who is of a different chromosome count to the 'assumed norm' of 46 XX and 46 XY as being defined as FEMALE and MALE respectively. (Some of you here and in the greater community who are considered the 'norm 46 XX and 46 XY' might indeed be surprised).
I have no doubt that a number of you may be reluctant to do so - however I ask as if you are intent in finding out more about yourselves that you seriously consider it.
As you may know I asked for this to take place and it was carried out revealing a lot more than was commonly believed; even though I personally had felt very differently for years, feeling more feminine than I did male, yet neither one nor the other - ever since I was a very young child. That is I felt very much an androgynous person. A real mixture of both in almost every respect, but who would believe or understand me…
So you will ask what did they find? There is sufficient evidence of ovaries, a collapsed vagina and the possibility of a uterus, though this latter aspect cannot be fully ascertained without a laproscopy. I used to have breasts and unfortunately I had a bi-lateral mastectomy when a young teenager - I was not psychologically strong enough in those days to deal with the situation I found myself within. I was after all in a boys boarding school and you might imagine what that was like from time to time in the shower rooms which were very public…
There were literally no support networks at all. When one looks at the deities in different religions the androgynous were often and are revered; and yet in real life there is a fear amongst many of the very concepts or realities they appear to cherish. In hindsight with the psychological courage I now have, I would have remained the same if I had my life over. To-day we are getting more tolerant of difference though we have a very long way to go as yet. Hence I am no longer prepared to sit and watch the world go by without making some contribution to it. I wish to draw attention to the beauty of difference and diversity so that people will learn a little more and hopefully respect it.
I am a visual artist and hope through my art I will eventually make an impact upon those who doubt or fear us. I hope to be able to express another point of view which I am sure will contribute to other perspectives in life. This may sound egocentric but no it is not - more it is the voice of one who has come out of the shadows into the light and wishes to be counted. I hope that I can give courage to the world and too, to others who may be like me and or different in other ways.
This does not mean you have to follow suit - I was intrinsically proud of myself but the world was too narrow in its perspective of difference - certainly in the western world. And so I made the huge personal sacrifice at the time to have myself changed to fit the 'social norm' that prevailed. This I have paid for dearly throughout my life. I however do not say this with bitterness but rather to encourage others to at least realise the implications of one's inner self are extremely precious. The world has to stop alienating us into socially constructed ghettos and learn to accept difference and diversity as a fundamental right to exist with dignity.
We are not all the same but we should be able to walk with our heads high and be proud of whom we are without shame.
I am aware that this may well be daunting for a number of you, however it may give a greater indication and insight into and of the differences concerning our physical and our psychological states. It will therefore be of benefit to those who are in the role of care givers, as well as friends, family and those in the wider communities. A greater knowledge will be ascertained by those in the medical profession to help us if we are pro-active in our search and understanding of ourselves. We need to help each other and those about us such as the medicos if we are to forge ahead. With courage and resolution we have a greater propensity to an increased understanding of the human condition and / or spirit. We empower our own lives by doing so, by instigating research not by settling for 'not even second but fourth best' or worse. We need to take charge of our lives and help those who are willing and who may be less informed but have the skills to help us in our share of life and discovery of self. We and our doctors and society as a whole may then begin to loose our fear of each other and value the differences that the mystery of life is…
It is not just a matter of how much or how little "testo", "estro" and or other Hormone Replacement Treatment one may be getting. There is no doubt that HRT certainly can be and often is very important amongst a whole lot of other considerations, but we must also be aware of the fact the human body is a highly complex organism that carries us about within. If we are aware of ourselves and those actualities, then the inordinate number of other factors which are part of our make-up as any other human being can be considered with a greater degree of reliability for informed research, education and understanding, as well as a guide to our overall psyche and physiology and how it all relates. I think it is a mistake to think that one's child is only a 'boy or a girl' per se, it is in fact an extremely simplistic way of thinking. It is inconsistent to the realities of the whole of the remarkable human race and everything else that is a part of this ecosystem and beyond our comprehension and those of the all the scientists and humanists, etc. put together. We are only just barely scratching the surface of what there is to know…
I do not wish to alarm those of you who really feel totally masculine whether this is because you have been conditioned to feeling or believing you are so, peer pressure or otherwise. However the reality is, if you do have other internal organs that equate to the female side whether they are fully developed or not, they may account for the differences in behaviour and self perception of any given individual in the world in which we find ourselves. Even the fact that a person who is 46 XY as opposed to 46 XX have many differences of personality, physique and lots more - and so it is just as likely that you do too, don't you think…?
After all it is a commonly recognised fact that "women" react to pharmaceutical drugs and alcohol in a different way to "males". Just as women who have post natal depression are no longer looked at as though they are some "weirdo"; that people born with "dicks" are not all rapists and it is no longer assumed that people in wheel chairs are incapable of contributing to society. We are at last even if slowly, learning some respect for others. I am sure that through these simple analogies I will not have to convince you that there are as likely to be other possibilities and whether we are mildly different or not, we all have something to offer. The variations within our particular make up, have as much likelihood of having certain characteristics that may be of a commonality as there are variations amongst all the other and 'assumed' sexes whomsoever we or others are, and whatever our particular capabilities may be.
I believe it is a mistake to discount other aspects in the mystery of life. As it only tends to cloud other realities which may impinge upon your own well being, and the assumptions made by others as to whom we may or may not be, as well as the physiological and psychological aspects of our lives. After all those assuming to be "normal" may or may not be too.
If one were to define what masculine and feminine, male and female, man and woman, etc. mean, through the law dictionaries you would perhaps be surprised by the number of the definitions I have seen; as no doubt you have too. So what do we actually mean by any of it. And what is indeed normal. Random tests are not indicators of normality.
I have seen theses based on small samples and yet major decisions have been made as a result as if they were indicative of a major analysis of a total population. If we were to do this with blood groupings and transfusions it would cause chaos and certain death for many.
I pose this question concerning what may physically lie within, just as you are as every bit different as the cells of your body are to another human being and the sum total. For I believe it does impinge upon actual aspects of your health and well being that we know little about and those who surround us perhaps less, however well meaning they may be. I think it is erroneous to discount such possibilities whether you are socially conditioned or not that you can only be totally female or totally male. This is a very naïve assumption in my opinion and not held by myself alone.
Due to the very social structures of society we are forced into believing that there are only two sexes - the reality is quite different. There is no shame in being a mix - whatever one may like to call us. Male and female is an over simplistic categorization of the actualities of the world of human and other biology.
I do not wish to shock anyone, let alone offend any, but I do think you should seriously consider investigating further and not discount the other possibilities. After all I am a living example of just that despite medical conjecture to the contrary less than three years ago. As mentioned I am not the only one and know of others who are in the same or similar boat so to speak. I am not a part of the often ill informed statistical analysis based on loose facts made upon poorly based assumptions, which is to presume all XXY people and or others with different genetic or other configurations in our individual 'blue prints' who do not fit the "norms" are often presupposed to be.
Yes some of us may take longer and may never develop certain skills but look out into the world around you and see how other people are setting examples of 'what it is to be a perfect human being'. No one is - we can all but try to live a life that is with care and understanding for our fellow human beings - we do not have to be perfect in every sense to be of value.
I realize that it may be hard for a number of you to get away from the assumption that male and female IS the only reality… but it is not… And you will be doing yourselves a disservice if you do not wish to look into other possibilities - remember we all thought the world was flat once upon a time and it took great courage for Galileo to stand up for his beliefs against a very powerful church. A church that I might add no longer disputes the reality of his observations and others, a church that would cruelly incarcerate those whom challenged the system or the deemed authority of what YOU were to believe. Knowledge is indeed power - but 'Power' does not have to be a negative force and can be used with great dexterity for the benefit of all - selflessly if we wish and I hope you would all aspire to this end in some way or other.
If we are to learn more about ourselves we must ask the difficult questions as well as those that are more simple or less threatening to our sensibilities or we will in fact be the losers. I hope you do not find this too confronting - for it is posed with the view that we will learn more about ourselves and the world in which we find ourselves while taking some control in our own destination. There is beauty in diversity, at least that is what I sincerely believe.
Enjoy the adventure and mystery of life - with care from someone who can't help asking questions of life - a note from an androgynous person - Chris. International Copyright ©- by Chris Somers xxy from 'Down-Under' - in Western Australia. Monday, May 31 - 1999.
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